MCM LONDON EXPO: The abusive spouse to whom you keep returning, telling yourself 'it's my fault, it'll be better next time if I try harder and wear a more comfortable costume'.
AYACON: Your first love who died tragically young.
KITACON: The comfortable husband. That being, someone else's husband. He's rich and has a gorgeous house, and he's always up for a drink and a good time. But he's way out of your league (and often your wallet). Collects chairs.
MCM TELFORD, MANCHESTER, BIRMINGHAM: The little siblings who you're quite fond of, and visit if you're close enough, but who make you sit down and view all their ebay listings on the chance they can flog you some bootleg shit.
ALCON: The creepy inbred cousin who lives in your shed and preys on small children. Your mum is always trying to set you up with him for some reason.
AMECON: That one guy who's awesome to party with but who seems to have slept in this year. Never around when you need him.
SUNNYCON: That distant relative who seems quite nice, but who no-one seems to have actually met.
LONDON ANIME CON: That relative in jail who keeps sending you emails begging you to visit.
TOKANATSU: The hippy aunt who comes back with tales of grassy adventures. Don't wear white around her.
ONECON: Who the hell is Onecon.
THOUGHTBUBBLE: That homely northern relative with the nice accent.
HYPER JAPAN: That awesome relative who brings you delicious food and seems to get dressed by rolling around in their closet.
LFCC: The shy cousin who's always up for a conversation about Doctor Who. Or Marvel. Or Star Trek. You're glad you don't have to talk to him for more than a weekend a year.
GEMUCON: The newborn who needs to move house and hasn't quite got the hang of stairs.
Minamicon: A short, older cousin who can be relied upon to deliver fun and interesting stories, even if it does feel like it's competing with other family members.
Shinnenkai and Con-T: The grandparents, sadly deceased before most of the grandkids showed up, but fondly remembered by some despite (or perhaps because of) some of their antiquated quirks.